One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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