I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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