Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
