To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
