You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
