The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
