I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
