i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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