For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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