dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
