I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
