he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
