I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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