dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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