Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How does one acquire holy water?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
