There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
