Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
