Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize