I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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