The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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