i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
