We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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