She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
