please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
