1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
