my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
