I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
