great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
