i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
