I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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