Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
