My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
