but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
