I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize