Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
