if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize