Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
