So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
