who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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