Porn is love you can see.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
