I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
