remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
