i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
