I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize