Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
