Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
