Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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