It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
