When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
