I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
