I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
