We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
