too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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