just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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