Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
