Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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