I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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