i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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