I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
