she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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