you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
