So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize