Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize