Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
