the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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